


out in plain sight

by dizzy



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Coming Out, M/M, convention appearances
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-02
Updated: 2016-04-02
Packaged: 2018-05-30 20:48:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6439924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dizzy/pseuds/dizzy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They made the video, and it felt like a good idea. They felt brave, sitting in their bedroom. They felt like the moment was right. Prompt: i know places - taylor swift (for phan <3)</p>
            </blockquote>





	out in plain sight

“There are so many fucking cameras,” Dan hisses, eyes darting around.

“They’re phones,” Phil says. “Not cameras.” 

“You-” Dan gapes at him, then just shakes his head. 

Not in the mood for being pointlessly corrected, all right. Phil makes a note. 

Dan’s not wrong, though. Well, he is, because - they’re phones, not cameras. But he’s not wrong about how many people are taking their photo. 

“It’s because we’re holding hands,” Phil says. 

Dan gives him another of those exasperated looks. “I know that, Phil.” 

His voice is terse. It matches the caged animal look on his face. 

He’s really not handling this well. Phil wouldn’t be either, if he weren’t so dedicatedly focusing on everything except the fact that the entire youtube convention going audience is watching him cross the exhibit hall holding hands with his boyfriend. 

With _Dan_. With Dan, who they all know, at this point, is his boyfriend. 

* 

It was their choice. 

They decided they were ready. 

They made the video, and it felt like a good idea. They felt brave, sitting in their bedroom. They felt like the moment was right. 

The twitter reaction was massive. Their viewers celebrated and mourned, in turns. They announced a holiday and disappeared for a weekend (in which they didn’t really go anywhere at all, just spent two days indulging in the things they love most in life, like pizza and slow blow jobs and full season television marathons). 

Then they got on a plane and here they are, on display and faced with the enormity of it. 

* 

“Perspective,” Dan says. 

He still looks a little wild in the eye. Phil is thinking - a bath, maybe a romp, help him unwind some. He’ll need it before they head back down for the parties. 

For now, Phil just listens while Dan talks himself in circles. 

“It’s just like, we have to remind ourselves, right?” Dan asks. “This only seems big because it’s us. No one else gives a shit. We’re inconsequential, in the long run.” 

Phil understands the argument Dan is making. He also understands that it’s bullshit. In the biggest picture they are nothing, sure, specks of dust on the wind. But they are still something to a lot of people, and in its own right that is significant. 

Dan wants to feel unimportant. It’s one of those secret little things about him. He reminds himself of the vastness of history and space and time because he thinks his mistakes won’t weigh on him so much if he dwells on it. 

It never works. It just makes him sad and stressed at the same time. But interrupting Dan on a spiral can end in chaos and anger and Phil has learned just to let Dan work through it on his own. 

* 

Relationships are a give and take. 

By the time they’re dressed and ready for the party, Dan has given up panicking and Phil has taken over. 

To Phil, his peers are a million times more terrifying than fans. There’s a level of removal from fans. Phil can face them one on one with a smile and a hug. He’s lived the worst that they can do and made it through on the other side. 

A room full of peers he’s spent seven years evading and lying to by omission? He’d really rather not, thank you very much. The idea of what will end up on their vlogging cameras or in the captions and comments of their instagrams or immortalized on their twitters - he’s woken up in a cold sweat more than once. 

“Why are you so happy about this?” Phil snaps, straightening the shirt he’s wearing for the tenth time on the walk down the hallway. 

“Because,” Dan says, shooting one of those nervous shy looks at Phil. “I get to show you off a little. Been waiting a while for that, you know?” 

Dan can’t fix Phil’s stubborn fears for him, but he still knows just the right words to make the tension choking Phil melt away. 

* 

“This is a bit much,” Dan admits, three hours later. He did have his fun, showing Phil off. 

It lasted about ten minutes. Now he’s just done. 

They’ve each had a couple drinks, sipped slowly with long breaks between. They’ve barely left each other’s side, but the antisocial act isn’t scaring anyone off. 

They have three dozen new best friends by the rate that people are approaching. Everyone wants to comment on the video, to say hello, a smile for snapchat, a comment for the camera. Phil’s jaw aches from holding his expressions and Dan’s almost gone non-verbal by the time midnight creeps up. 

They’re tired. They’re jet-lagged. They’re burnt out on this unending inquisition. People mean well but they don’t have the stamina for it and the moment they have a second alone Dan is leaning in. 

“Can we leave?” Dan asks. 

(It’s slightly distracting, his breath on Phil’s cheek.) 

(But it always is.) 

“Please,” Phil says. He puts a hand on Dan’s back and resolutely does not give a fuck about anything except getting out. 

* 

“Let’s take a walk,” Dan says, once they’re breathing in sweet freedom and crisp night air. 

He’s wearing one of his new shirts. It looks amazing on him. Phil’s own top buttons have come undone in an attempt to combat in the heat of the room they just left. They look rumpled and probably drunk, though it’s really more the exhaustion than the alcohol. 

They hold hands again. They’ve done that more in the past three days than they have in three years before. They agreed that it was the right level of gesture to make - showing affection, attempting to normalize it, without giving something away that’s too far past the line of comfort for either of them. 

Phil actually likes it, though. It’s the one part of this that he could really get used to and even though no one’s looking at all he slides his hand down Dan’s arm to lazily lock their fingers together. 

Dan smiles over at him. “I’m glad we’re doing this.” 

It hits Phil like a pang to the chest. This - this is the thing that makes it worth it, this look Dan is giving him right now. 

He smiles and says, “Me, too.” 

**Author's Note:**

> [Read and reblog on tumblr :)](http://alittledizzy.tumblr.com/post/141809310615/i-know-places-taylor-swift-for-phan-3)


End file.
